Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
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HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
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The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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