I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
