You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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