This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
