I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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