yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
