the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
God I need to hump something, right now.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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