Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
