I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
