I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
pray to the hookup gods
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
