Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
