i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
