That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize