shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You took a bar mat shot.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
