Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I will be naked everywhere
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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