this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
