did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
