As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
