sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
