i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
