News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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