jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
