I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
