he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
