take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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