I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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