Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
