Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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