my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This toilet bowl is my home.
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