I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
