i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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