I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
