just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
