mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
