He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
