My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
