i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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