....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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