youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
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There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
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She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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