i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
