If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
