What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
