Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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