Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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