Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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