I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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