You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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