What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
