two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
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Found your dick twin last night
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
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You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Pooping to opera.
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