he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
