so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
