Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
