i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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