i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
