What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
