It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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