he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
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I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
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Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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