So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
