haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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