I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
