guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
