Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
there's paper in my vomit.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
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