My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
